This is about the movies that scared us. As a kid there were certain movies, certain scenes, that made a huge, scary impression, an impression that didn’t quite leave.  Take Jaws, for example:  How many people avoid swimming in any large body of water, even as adults, for fear that lurking beneath is something large, menacing, and very toothy.  And even if you do manage the swim, it’s in spite of the fear, not free from it.  It’s putting on a brave face.  You don’t dare open your eyes under water.  You don’t dare look down.

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In Parts I and II, we discussed how Douchebags are idiots with flare, the pretentious ignorant.  They are the guy in sunglasses, the goatee, the striped shirt, the baseball cap just a touch off center.  They are the big-dick swingers, touting their rock-titted Douchebaguettes.  We all get it.  We all know these guys.  Heck, you might be one of them.  In Part III we will ask, is there a cure?  We believe there is. Read more »

Douchebags are idiots with flare, but what does that look like?   In Part II of “Defining Douchebags,” we’ll take a look at some common physical attributes. You can’t judge a Douchebag by its collard shirt; even some of the fellas in these pictures might not be Douchebags.  Just because it dresses like a douche doesn’t mean it is one, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a Douchebag Uniform. Read more »

It’s Friday night and you’re out on the town.  ”Man, this place would be really good if it weren’t for all these Douchebags.”  What is a Douchebag?  Really, who is a Douchebag?  What do they look like?  And, most importantly, can they be cured?   I’ll be exploring this topic in three parts:

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According to recent polls, fewer people trust science in America.  Folks are getting awful tired of hearing about fact this and figure that.  Frankly, all this talk of science and the whole climate nonsense  is just putting a real damper on the national debate of issues that really matter, like how the government is trying to steal our health care, and how that President Hussein Obama is spending all of our hard earned taxes, which are too high to begin with, on his damned fool-hearty socialism.  Science isn’t working, so what can we trust in?  Here’s a few alternatives to Science: Read more »

Before we discuss if we have a “right to be happy” or “how can we be happy,” we must first decide what we mean by ‘happiness.’

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My neighbors are fighting.  It’s 2:38pm when I check the time, but I can’t be certain how long they’ve been yelling.  This is what goes through my mind, noting the time, picturing myself in front of police officers, on the stand, in news reports: “Area Man Notes Domestic Dispute in Blog: Predicts Murder.”  Put a camera on me, on them, and it’s my own reality show.

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“His parents must have hated him.” Hate your kid?  Why waste eighteen years on pent up resentment and exhausting emotional abuse, when you can pretty much wreck any chance of a successful life with one cavalier swipe of your pen across the Birth Certificate name-line.  Here’s a few ideas for how to ensure your kid has all the advantages of a day-one loser. Read more »

There are two kinds of people: Keepers and Throwers.  I’m a Keeper.  I can’t throw anything away.

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In nature, all kinds of animals get stuck: the turtle on its back, the whale on the beach.  We don’t get enough of this hilarity in the City.  That is, unless, you happen to be driving by the 24.8% percent grade of Jones between California and Pine.  I live just by there, and paused, mid intersection, when I beheld a limo making a daring turn down Jones.  The result was delicious.

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