Ninjas, Zombies, Pirates, Vampires and Werewolves. In the last ten years I’ve watched the public (yes, from atop my mountain) get really into these mythical figures as the butt of jokes, the objects of desire and the characters that haunt us. Here’s my prediction for the next sexy class of fabled super-human:
Let’s cover a few ground rules. Whatever these creatures are they require stealth, mystique, style, sex-appeal, history, and gold doubloons to spend on hearty wenches.
Owlings – Part Man, Part Owl. Owls are already an in thing: they’ve got mystery, nobility and strike terror into the hearts of all things small and tail bearing. And since nocturnal is already a given, why not add sex appeal? We’d have to figure out the beak thing (given my “strong” nose I know a thing or two about trying to keep a beak sexy) but the big eyes is an obvious plus. Why not worship a creature that already looks like Jack Nicholson and has the flare to match?
Olympians – I’m not talking athletes here. I’m talking the sons and daughters of the Greek gods on Mount Olympus. First off, the sex is implicit. The whole reason these creatures even exist is usually because of some thrilling tale of rape or hoodwinkery by some god upon some beautiful but unaware commoner. After that, it’s a Roman/Greco grab bag of super powers, mother issues, and a huge window for us to finally start embracing some god on god raw action.
Whisperers - What’s happened to all the whisperers out there? Who’s talking to the animals? Remember how much of a hunk Dar was in Beastmaster? Imagine a whole race of animal whispering folks. They’ll have the body of Dar, the charm of horse whisperer Redford, and the crack wit of Dr. Dolittle (I’m thinking of Rex Harrison here, not Eddy Murphy).
Prussians – Everybody loves a monarchy, why not bring back the Prussians? First off, nobody in America really knows what a Prussian is, so there’s a real tabula rasa to embellish whatever we need them to be. Super strength, you bet. Need to diminish the whole Polish aspect so that a larger population accepts them? No problem. The Prussians are, de facto, what you make of them at this point. Hell, you might be Prussian, right now, and not even know it. Welcome to the noble race and, you’re welcome.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s a pretty cool entry. I like that – especially your prediction about owls.
Try out this blog.
http://www.theartofmemory.blogspot.com
Some insightful stuff there.
Dan
There’s got to be some graphic designer out there that could draw a sexy owl-man. Doncha think?
RE: Robert Garcet
Google “Robert Garcet” and his legendary tower house that he built in Belgium.
Dan
Danny, if you turn out to be Robert Garcet and this is a clever way of getting me to your site…I’m impressed.
These are all pretty solid predictions, but you have to take into account things that are ‘in’ are the mutant, teeming, spawn from teeny media book and movie seedlings that get blown out of proportion.
Here’s my prediction: Eddie Murphy’s Coming To America makes a comeback. (How couldn’t it? It’s still on TV more than Friends reruns.) Nubian Royalty meets Queens. I predict chains of McDowell’s, and a growing populous sporting the silky jheri curl, as well as oversized leopard print robes.
2011 IS Eddie Murphy. As well as Owlings.
Can we combine that with Tyler Perry? Maybe that’s his crossover into the white male 18-35 category. But who on earth could redo Arsenio Hall’s reverend?