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Thomas Wood

Time Travel or Where I’ve Been for Two Weeks…

July 26, 2010
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Want to know where why Modern Sophist has been so remiss lately. It has a little to do with real-life. If that doesn’t satisfy you, let me offer you this more ridiculous rationale.

Five Other Things Prince Has Declared: “Completely Over”

July 6, 2010
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In a recent interview with the Mirror, Prince declared that the “…internet’s completely over.”  He compared it to the weaning popularity of MTV and added that it was a good thing since the internet just “fills your head with numbers.”

Meat Market

June 29, 2010
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“I get a call on my way to the audition from the agent.  He said, ‘What is really important is that you are fuckable.’” – Adrienne Shelley (young actress)

Thought of the Day: Penis Research

June 24, 2010
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About two or three times a month I walk through the OR of this one hospital in San Francisco. Each time I do I pass by this innocuous poster that features some bit of research or information. Picture the background of a highschool science competition exhibit, all cardboard and super-glue. So I walk by this poster [...]

Which Ghostbuster Are You?

June 18, 2010
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People love analyzing the Ghostbusters, in part, because they represent many of the myriad sub-classes of nerds.  Asking yourself which Ghostbuster you are like is really asking, “What kind of nerd am I?”  Because you’re reading this, chances are, you’re one of these five class of nerd in some respect or another.  Let’s look at the different [...]

Hipster V. Shark

June 15, 2010
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Since time immemorial, scholars have debated, Hipster or shark?  With any reckoning, the real question is where the two would meet. The ocean or the city?  Hipsters can’t swim and sharks abhor irony.  Neither will do.

Thought Of The Day: “Would The Pattern Have Been Full for Ghostrider if the Air Boss Wasn’t a Coffee Drinker?

June 11, 2010
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“Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.”  Remember that line from Top Gun?  Both times Maverick does a flyby on the tower and, both times, the Air Boss spills his coffee.  ”God Damn that guy!”  We’re meant to think this is some pretty hot shit, but also that it really pisses people in authority off.

Thought of The Day: “Why Aren’t Smart Phones Tricorders Yet?”

June 4, 2010
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Our smart phones can do an awful lot these days.  They can get online, send video, take photos, listen to music, check the weather, etc.  But what good is any of that, really?  Any retard phone can take a photo, and being “smart” shouldn’t mean just doing what a retard can do better.  A modern [...]

How to Fix the Environment: Make Cigarette Butts with Seeds

May 26, 2010
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Wouldn’t that just flip the whole goddam world upside down?  Imagine if there were seeds inside every cigarette butt.  Every time a smoker tossed their butt out of a car window or onto the pavement somewhere, it would have a chance to sprout into a beautiful tree or flower or something.  Instead of brands of [...]

Thought of the Day: “I Have a Hard Time Imagining Cavemen Doing It In The Missionary Position”

May 25, 2010
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I get that the guy went out and clubbed the girl and dragged her around back to his cave; that much makes sense.  But then how were they having sex.  Certainly not missionary position, right?  It’s too intimate.  And cavemen have all that hair and those huge, protruding foreheads.  Does anyone know a good anthropologist who [...]

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