Thomas Wood

Washing Your Hands in the Men’s Room

April 18, 2011

I’ve done no formal research on this but I am pretty sure that men only wash their hands in the bathroom like 20% of the time. And I would say that most hand washing is a kind of reaction to peer pressure. Some guys are all-the-time hand washers and, once they step up, every guy [...]

Fantasy Inc.

March 18, 2011

This may become something regular.

Ronald McDonald: Pedophile

March 17, 2011

All I’m saying is, if this wasn’t some cutesy little statue thing for folks to pose with…I mean, if this were a real fellow, dressed up as a clown, and so comfortable and familiar with his settings that he’s just leaning on back into a bench at McDonalds, wouldn’t you call the cops? Grown man. [...]

The…what?

March 15, 2011

“The”…what? Go on. What are you? Come on. This is killing me. What are you selling, store? Cable Cars? No, that would be ridiculous. Who would want a cable car? Stupid tourists, that’s who. But then, how are they going to carry it home, store? Huh? Tell me how the tourist is going to take [...]

Advertising Without Pants

March 14, 2011

Okay, so you’re opening an unmarked, off-the-rack, clothing store in downtown San Francisco. Makes sense. You’ve got all of these great brands at killer prices listed right in your window. Naturally. You think, “jeeze, what if we get a homeless guy to sort of mill about in front of the store with a sign advertising [...]

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel: Their Relationship Revisited

March 11, 2011

Justing and Jessica broke up. They are so super hot. Oh my god, what if they had babies? Oh my god, what if they knew who I was and we could, like, hang out, and sometimes, Justin, would want me to sing with him or just ask me for advice on songs he was writing [...]

Why America Shouldn’t Help Libya

March 2, 2011

Given all the strife, atrocity and suffering that I can’t begin to imagine in Libya, my heart races to demand some kind of American assistance for their efforts to throw out the dictatorship and establish a budding Democracy. But I wouldn’t suggest it. We can’t help them, I don’t believe, not if we want them [...]

Gaddafi Say Anything

March 1, 2011

In an effort to relearn everything I’ve forgotten from my teenage years in Photoshop and Premiere, I’ve created a crap little video. I would say enjoy but, except for the success of sneaking a boombox into Libya, there is little to love in this first attempt.

Chuck Sheen Facts

March 1, 2011

Chuck Sheen doesn’t binge, he destroys temptation. In trying to move forward from the last decade to this, it seems pop culture is demanding a new living legend to idolize and uplift beyond the scope of any mere mortal. I nominate Chuck Sheen. Chuck will proceed as only a Chuck can: He will be revered in [...]

No Graffiti

February 22, 2011

Logically speaking, by saying that there is “no graffiti” permitted, it sort of implies that it is permitted other places. It isn’t. By its very definition, graffiti is always illicit, always unwanted. Whoever mandated this sign should have known better. I really hate graffiti. It just seems so childish, so disrespectful, so without honor or dignity. [...]

Porn for Philanthropy

February 16, 2011

I have this idea that pornography should be more philanthropic. Here’s the premise: There’s a lot of us looking at a lot of pornography. We are, for whatever reasons, ignoring all issues of morality, seeking it out. Why not, then, tether that pornography with something philanthropic? The idea came to me from some simple data. I get [...]

Adorable Ransom

February 15, 2011

I saw this ad on Amazon from the ASPCA. Of course, you see these all the time, sometimes even on the television. And they all go the same way. ”Help us save this animal.” And we look at how cute and sad it is. Who wouldn’t want to save this dog? I get that animals [...]

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