It’s not that I mind drinking alone; I’m quite good company. But it is rather off-putting when just one boy shows up for our Tuesday night boy’s night out. I realize it’s a stretch, meanwhile, to say that I showed up to my own night but, well, after the time was set (I set it), and the place arranged (my house), I did make darn sure to be here dressed and on time, ready to go.
Maybe it’s that pretty much everyone I know is in a couple. What’s the point of boys night out if you can’t freely hit on some fine bitches (‘bitches’ here used in the most respectful and satirical of pop-referencing senses). But of course there would be no ‘need’ for a boys night if we didn’t always have girls around.
So here I am, all gussied up, first scotch of the night, eager to hit the town. I think I might take myself on a pub crawl. You know, pick like seven bars and hit up a new one every half-hour or so. After that, I might head over to a strip club. I hear there’s a lot of other guys over there, some of whom might also be on a ‘boys-night-out,’ and maybe some of those bitches I was told we might cruise for (by ‘was told’ I mean, specifically, my idea and by ‘we’ I, again, mean myself.
After that, jeesus, it’s boys night, so we might get a little crazy. We could all head to the Lucky Penny and give the staff a hard time as the obnoxious one (me) yells for more ketchup and the crazy one (again, me) stands up on the table to make fun of the quiet one (still, me). Or, we could go for a little late-night action down at the W-hotel to see if there’s any fine ladies down for a little skinny-dipping with a group of sexy gentlemen (Yes, me…I carry trunks).
It’s looking to be a really good night. In fact, one guy (me) is getting kinda outta control. He’s already knocked over the planters outside and pissed off one neighbor (not at all true, but it looks like it might happen by the look in his eyes(my eyes)).
The first toast of the night goes to the man who made all of this happen (me). The second, to all of our (my) homies, who couldn’t be here (everyone I know…everyone). One love, bro hym.
Wish us luck (me).
Related:
Related posts:
Edwards' Mistress Should Keep Her Mouth Shut
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
heh. nicely done.
I think I might pimp thee, Thomas! xxx
fuck man. i just got of work. I can’t drink with you if I can’t find you.
If anyone (you) should attempt to get you into any drinking games, I think you should really consider the outcomes. Just look at him (yourself). No way you can take that guy (you). Victory for him (you) is surly going to leave you the worse for it.
By the way, Zoe sent me and I thought this was wonderful. Now eat a mint.
Zoe, consider yourself well thanked.
David, really funny. I totally drank myself under the table.
ha. now, thomas, aren’t you running the risk of evoking a collectively massive acrimonious wave of australian feminist message board wrath by referring to us womyn as “bitches” in a respectful manner? we prefer “dime bizzles” or “hoes”. get out of the bottom of the bottle and into the now, you lush!
as for girl’s night out, I hadn’t been having any this summer because all of my friends were boys in new york, and when I’d go out with them I’d either a, get so housed that no one in their right mind who hadn’t known my for 2+ years during my finer moments would chat me up, or b, other suitable gents would assume one of the boys I was with was my boyfriend, and that bar fights are pretty passe. I kept getting “cunt blunted” if you will. “clam jam”, perhaps? what’s the equivalent?
I wanted to throw out “bitch tricked” but suddely felt a) bring up the word bitch again abd b)probably be something entirely different.
Zoe directed me here. I just read the story of my daily night life. Though from my experience I would have had to throw in a “Stuntman” tequila shot. Well done.
Now I’m very curious how, exactly, Zoe is directing people here. Bless her, but her methods are mysterious.
Dear Christina,
Us Australian feminists actually prefer the term “crack whore” or “crackies” for short.
Also, you ar a very funny broad and I am only slightly annoyed that you have not come to visit us.
That is all.
Linds
Now’s a good time to complete that request.