Language

Reflections on words and language.

“I am” (Insert Stupid Nickname)

January 4, 2011

I met this guy, a limo driver, out in Redding, California. He introduced himself as Diamond Dave. As in, “Nice to meet you, I’m Diamond Dave.” He meant it too. I called him Dave once, said, “thanks, Dave,” actually, and he corrected me. He wanted to make sure I inserted the Diamond part in there. [...]

That’s So “Sajak!”

January 3, 2011

I’m going to start calling things “sajak.” Yes, as in Pat Sajak. It’s the perfect term to describe things that are safe and friendly and that white people really like. But “sajak” has a deeper meaning: calling something “sajak” means that some hip, popular trend has become fully gentrified. It will signify something’s complete saturation [...]

“It’s Like An Essay, But An Essay “On Crack!”" – TNB

April 10, 2010

What does it mean when you use the analogy that “It’s like (something), but like (something) on crack!”?

Corporatese – The Language of Your Company

March 24, 2010

Every time we have a meeting in my company I hear about a dozen terms that I only ever hear in a company context. The general themes of these words are efficiency and growth. My friend, Mary, at NoTitles.com and I thought we would each take a look at corporate language, a little competition really: [...]

How To Fix American “Obesity”

March 23, 2010

America is fat, sorry, obese, and we’re mad as hell about it. I’ve figured out how to fix this. The answer to ridding America of obesity? Change the language. We all know the age-old chubby girl trick of calling a fat girl pleasantly plump and telling your overweight husband that there is more of him [...]

Alternatives to “Hand/Eye Coordination”

March 15, 2010

Of all types of coordination, Hand/Eye is the most celebrated…and then one thinks, “wait, of all types of coordination? What other types are there?” Of course seeing something and then reacting appropriately with your hands is a terribly important skill and, frankly, probably paramount in a great many deeds. But what about other sense/body-skills? We [...]

Defining “Douchebags”: Part III – Finding a Cure

March 4, 2010

In Parts I and II, we discussed how Douchebags are idiots with flare, the pretentious ignorant. They are the guy in sunglasses, the goatee, the striped shirt, the baseball cap just a touch off center. They are the big-dick swingers, touting their rock-titted Douchebaguettes. We all get it. We all know these guys. Heck, you [...]

Defining “Douchebags”: Part II – Physical Characteristics

March 3, 2010

Douchebags are idiots with flare, but what does that look like? In Part II of “Defining Douchebags,” we’ll take a look at some common physical attributes. You can’t judge a Douchebag by its collard shirt; even some of the fellas in these pictures might not be Douchebags. Just because it dresses like a douche [...]

Defining “Douchebags”: Part I – Definition and Night Out

March 2, 2010

It’s Friday night and you’re out on the town. ”Man, this place would be really good if it weren’t for all these Douchebags.” What is a Douchebag? Really, who is a Douchebag? What do they look like? And, most importantly, can they be cured? I’ll be exploring this topic in three parts: The key identifier of [...]

“The Pursuit of “What is Happiness?”" – TNB

February 25, 2010

Before we discuss if we have a “right to be happy” or “how can we be happy,” we must first decide what we mean by ‘happiness.’ The word “happiness,” today, is used too ubiquitously to really mean much. There is a happy life, a happy moment, a happy accident. In etymological terms, the word’s origin is actually [...]

When You’re “Off The Hook!”

February 10, 2010

I can’t reconcile this phrase, “Off the hook!” It means two totally separate things. A few minutes ago, I was texting with a colleague who was wondering if she was going to have to work tonight or not. She wasn’t, so I texted her back, “Just found out…you’re off the hook.” My phone froze up [...]

Alternatives to, “What With The Economy and All…”

February 9, 2010

“Well, you know, what with the economy and all…” Everybody says this. You’ve said it. The “economy” is the beginning and end to all problems, right? It’s the panacea of excuses. The trouble with its ubiquity as an excuse is that it doesn’t really mean much anymore. Even if it’s relevant, it’s dull. So in an effort [...]

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