Thought of the Day

Advertising Without Pants

March 14, 2011

Okay, so you’re opening an unmarked, off-the-rack, clothing store in downtown San Francisco. Makes sense. You’ve got all of these great brands at killer prices listed right in your window. Naturally. You think, “jeeze, what if we get a homeless guy to sort of mill about in front of the store with a sign advertising [...]

Gaddafi Say Anything

March 1, 2011

In an effort to relearn everything I’ve forgotten from my teenage years in Photoshop and Premiere, I’ve created a crap little video. I would say enjoy but, except for the success of sneaking a boombox into Libya, there is little to love in this first attempt.

No Graffiti

February 22, 2011

Logically speaking, by saying that there is “no graffiti” permitted, it sort of implies that it is permitted other places. It isn’t. By its very definition, graffiti is always illicit, always unwanted. Whoever mandated this sign should have known better. I really hate graffiti. It just seems so childish, so disrespectful, so without honor or dignity. [...]

Porn for Philanthropy

February 16, 2011

I have this idea that pornography should be more philanthropic. Here’s the premise: There’s a lot of us looking at a lot of pornography. We are, for whatever reasons, ignoring all issues of morality, seeking it out. Why not, then, tether that pornography with something philanthropic? The idea came to me from some simple data. I get [...]

How To Find an Unregistered Domain Name

February 10, 2011

“The existing pool of domain names is depleted,” says representatives from ICANN, the non-profit group in charge of internet names. So, this week, they are talking about the release of a whole lot of internet real estate in the form of a host of new suffixes. Gone will be the days of mere .com, .net, [...]

Bad Theme Park Characters

January 27, 2011

A friend recently mused, “What did the Peanuts gang ever have to do with Knott’s Berry Farm?” “Nothing,” I answered her. It’s just that Disney had characters kind of automatically and all the other theme parks had to get in with some group quick or else risk falling behind. So, you know, Knott’s got the Peanuts and [...]

What Happens When You Break Your Collar Bone?

January 20, 2011

This happened to me Sunday morning: broken collar bone. There isn’t much to tell: motorcycle, damp rode, poorly inflated tire, thugs. That last bit is slightly interesting because it was the cause and epilogue of the accident. I was riding around North Beach where there are sometimes some pretty thuggy types driving around, looking for [...]

Inappropriate Baby

January 14, 2011

Of all the babies on the internet talking about fellatio, this one had the least class. Special thanks to @partypooped, whose unimaginable tenacity for finding internet treasures turned up a discussion board of mothers with their babies as their avatars, all talking about blowjobs. For more of her incredible finds, check out SorryIMissedYourParty.com

Why Black-Belts Are Useless

January 10, 2011

Here’s the trouble with having a black-belt in karate or any other martial art: It’s the only goddam belt. People tout a black-belt as though there are levels of belts to go through, as though having a black belt were the pinnacle of some great journey and that, having attained a black belt, there is [...]

The Scary Piss

January 5, 2011

You know that moment we’ve all had where you blindly, automatically walk towards some goal? It’s a familiar route that you’ve taken a hundred times before. And, of course, it’s dark. And so you don’t really look, don’t really notice until, just inches away, you look up and are shocked by this large, formidable presence [...]

“Do Websites Ever Get Paranoid?”

December 27, 2010

“Ahh, get all of these bots off of me! Can’t you see them? I’m freakin’ out man! I’m covered in little, crawly bots!” - Any publicly available website. Some time in the future websites will get all freaked out. They’ll be out one night with a few users, having a little too good a time [...]

Twitter Users Similar to Me

December 22, 2010

Twitter has started telling me I’m like a lot of people. Sure, Twitter says a lot of shite, but within any constant stream of bullshit you’re bound to hear a few things that interest you. Dr. Drew and I have a lot in common. Of course, I already knew this. We’re both, like, super smart [...]

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