The Comedies

The…what?

March 15, 2011

“The”…what? Go on. What are you? Come on. This is killing me. What are you selling, store? Cable Cars? No, that would be ridiculous. Who would want a cable car? Stupid tourists, that’s who. But then, how are they going to carry it home, store? Huh? Tell me how the tourist is going to take [...]

Chuck Sheen Facts

March 1, 2011

Chuck Sheen doesn’t binge, he destroys temptation. In trying to move forward from the last decade to this, it seems pop culture is demanding a new living legend to idolize and uplift beyond the scope of any mere mortal. I nominate Chuck Sheen. Chuck will proceed as only a Chuck can: He will be revered in [...]

Porn for Philanthropy

February 16, 2011

I have this idea that pornography should be more philanthropic. Here’s the premise: There’s a lot of us looking at a lot of pornography. We are, for whatever reasons, ignoring all issues of morality, seeking it out. Why not, then, tether that pornography with something philanthropic? The idea came to me from some simple data. I get [...]

The Alternate Dimensions of Sex.com

February 9, 2011

ICANN, the body in charge of internet domains, is going to create a whole bunch of new suffixes. So, instead of a .com or .net, you might have any number of iterations of the same name. This may lead to some confusion: Me: ”So I was ‘perusing’ this creepy nudie website. You’ve got to check [...]

Goat Solves AIDS

February 1, 2011

There aren’t enough problems in the world that can be solved by giving someone a goat. I mean, camon’, imagine if, “hmm, better just buy a ton of goats,” was the answer to some of the more widely publisized world dilemmas. How would goats solve these problems? Breast Cancer? Goat will fix it. Because goats [...]

The History and Future of Friendship

January 13, 2011

In the beginning, nobody had more than two friends. Indeed, having even three friends was considered terribly unwise; the logic being that, though one could keep an eye on two people quite easily during a gazelle hunt, one was never too sure where the devil that third fellow had gone. More often than not, due [...]

“Stop Looking At My Tits (photos)”

January 11, 2011

“Um, hello, asshole, I’m up here!” That’s right, I’m more than just a great set of tits: I have thoughts and feelings and wisdom too. Because, so far, I’m getting more attention for the one set of tit photos I happened to post than pretty much all of my other writing/content combined. And they’re crap [...]

Nerd Party

January 6, 2011

Whilst unwrapping a massive, new monitor for their office. “Dude, you want to get high? Like, no, seriously, really, really high?” “Fuck off, man! That shit is dangerous. And you start this shit up every time we buy some new hardware. I’m sick of it. When are you going to start getting serious about this [...]

Diagnosis “Featuring Snoop Dogg”

December 29, 2010

In the future, the phrase, “featuring Snoop Dogg,” will be a common amendment to any medical condition with symptoms of heavy chills. “It appears you may be suffering from Whooping Cough featuring Snoop Dogg,” your doctor will inform you. It will take years for such a diagnosis to be refined. At first, doctors will be [...]

SF Sketchfest: The Cost of Comedy

December 16, 2010

It turns out that cheap jokes aren’t cheap (pardon while I gag on my powers of wit with that one-liner). And as much as I’m looking forward to the upcoming SF Sketchfest in January, I’m a cheap bastard, and I’ve got to start looking at the costs. I added it up. More or less (“I [...]

Words to Avoid on Your Resume

December 15, 2010

LinkedIn listed a report of the ten most overused terms in people’s resumes. It’s tough to be original when you’re trying to be concise. So maybe the trick is to pick your victories, be specific, and let your individual personality really shine through: 1. Extensive experience – “I stayed at the same shitty job for three [...]

Drink (Milk), Responsibly

November 30, 2010

How should parents teach their teens to drink responsibly? The Four-Loko mess is over but there is bound to be some new concoction to tempt our teens back to the binge drinking. So what are we to do? How will teens devope a responsible relationship with alcohol? Shouldn’t there be a product out there that [...]

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