Coast Guard Gets .04Miles/Gallon Burning Oil Slick

The Coast Guard is going to start burning off oil from the Gulf of Mexico oil spill getting an estimated .04 Miles per Gallon. The spill, which as of yesterday was approximately 48 miles long and 39 miles wide, comprises some 42,000 gallons of crude. Said one critic, “We haven’t seen such inefficiency since the earliest days of the combustion engine, back when most engines were little more than cans which, when exploded, would move a few dozen feet in one direction or another.”

But not everyone has such harsh words. A spoke’s person for a local bird sanctuary which is under direct threat of the looming oil slick said, “The oil slick is endangering thousands of species, not to mention some 40% of the earth’s natural wetlands. We’re talking about saving the environment here. This is no time to start confusing the issue with ironic carbon emissions.”