ModernSophist.com

Where Are the Hippies?

Thomas Wood — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:19:25 +0000

Shouldn’t there be a bowl of hippies huddled around this monstrosity, raising their fists high up in the air, cursing at the heavens? Shouldn’t some poor, liberal asshole be trying to save this tree from its union with man and steel?

Also, isn’t nature truly amazing that it can just adopt a steel pole?

More Than Shitty Phishing

Thomas Wood — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 22:44:44 +0000

My site has been abused. I fixed it; don’t worry. If you’ve come here expecting your Chase account, sorry. Also, feel free to leave me your banking info. I’m not asking for it, but I wont turn it away either.

Meanwhile, genuinely sorry for anyone else who’s life was inconvenienced by this as mine was today.

I Have A Tumblr

Thomas Wood — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 22:00:30 +0000

I have a Tumblr now.

Three, in fact, but I’m only really doing anything about one.

It’s called SFering.

It’s just a collection of things I see and my impressions of San Francisco as I go about. I’m one of SF, an SFer, and since I see it as an ongoing state of being…I am SFering. Get it. Tres clever, no?

Enjoy.

San Francisco Mystery Wine

Thomas Wood — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 00:02:27 +0000

After working all night I returned around seven am to find my motorcycle had some company.

This is a great example of why I love this town. Even the expensive and upcoming neighborhoods have a host of zombie, story-maker types who are up to no good at all hours.

So what’s the story here? Did somebody plop down next to my bike and have at this jug of wine? I’d like to pretend they got up on the bike and just went to town, pretending they were racing down the highway. Maybe it was the same asshole who cut off and stole a helmet of mine a week ago and was wearing it now just to play the part.

I’ll bet you looked bad-ass you sweet racer of the night.

Chapter 2011 – Notes on the US Default

Thomas Wood — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 22:54:48 +0000

So we’re broke, or nearly there. Here’s a few brief thoughts:

If congress get’s paid and the troops do not, we should ask for a majority vote of the armed services and send Congress to the front lines.
Remember, that the debt ceiling has nothing to do with spending any more or any less money. The money is already spent; Congress is just voting on whether or not to pay the bill.
Most Americans have little understanding of the debt-ceiling, its origins, or the implications of a default on world finance, or even what world finance has anything to do with anything.
Result: Modern terrorism is simply too complex for the public to comprehend.
Taxes: I’m middle class and I would pay more. I promise to budget for myself responsibly. We can ask millionaires and governments to do the same.
Finally: Default is not an option. Our word is our bond and our bonds ought to be our word.

British Elitism

Thomas Wood — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 20:47:00 +0000

In England, this would be a horrific bit of social elitism repressing the lesser educated.

In America, this is only elitist in virtue of some asshole (the author), wryly mentioning that he knows a thing or two about British culture. Snickering twat, I am.

Fireman Sexy

Thomas Wood — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 23:00:41 +0000

Nevermind that their house had just burnt down. What the girls and, frankly, I wanted to know was what this sweet piece of medium-rare was doing after the fire.

So yeah, all this, totally for real. My friend’s house burnt down a month or so ago. And while they are all standing there in whatever clothes and Red Cross blankets they could muster, they were all just gazing. And not at the fire, at this goddam fireman who was standing all cool in the background, his face all smeared in ash and soot, smoking away like the cheeky nephew to the Marlboro man.

And this isn’t to say they weren’t devastated or that it wasn’t all a terrible day, but what service! Sexy just makes all tragedy a little more palatable.

And even I was blown away by the sheer sex of this man. Here I was, a man, bearded, just rode in on a motorcycle, fairly successful in life and in ladies, and I would have laid it all out on the table for one night with this stereotype of a fire-god.

Shelf Joke Needed

Thomas Wood — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 01:45:22 +0000

I went on a tour of an office and this room caught me off guard. There’s a joke here, a perfect, simple joke. You can feel it too, right?

I can’t goddam figure it out.

I mean camon’, look at all of those empty shelves. A room full of them, all crowded around an important looking conference table. Empty shelves, conferences. These are ingredients, folks.

What’s the joke?

The Black Spot: Real Estate

Thomas Wood — Fri, 13 May 2011 16:06:49 +0000

I was trying to remember 2006. Really, though, I was trying to remember if Ryan and I were actually as funny as we thought we were on the Black Spot back in 2006. We were. Sort of.

I found this clip of the two of us bantering back and forth on voices and infomercials and real estate.

What’s interesting is the Then-and-Now aspect of it. This was the absolute peak of the real-estate boom, when absolutely everyone was talking about getting into it.

Jeeze, I wonder if I can even do redneck voice anymore.

The Black Spot: Returns

Thomas Wood — Thu, 12 May 2011 21:12:04 +0000

This would be a semi-clever title if it were a sequel to a podcast about finance or anything business related. It isn’t.

I used to have a little weekly radio show up in San Francisco, a talk show, with my buddy Ryan. It was called The Black Spot and it ran Monday nights from 10-midnight on Pirate Cat Radio back in 2006.

We weren’t terribly clever then and we aren’t now, but the bug of mediocrity has run its course and Ryan and I are eager to, once again, take a stab at making regular Asses (that’s capital A) of ourselves via voice and ramble.

In other words, we are giving the Black Spot another shot.

So here’s the question, really…”what the hell is this about?”

The trouble is, we have no expertise. And since we don’t produce anything, we haven’t got any kind of credentials to back up us deserving an opinion on any topic.

But people always liked listening to us.

Is that enough?