Five Tips for Getting Out of Bed

It’s almost three in the afternoon and you still haven’t moved.  Getting yourself motivated and out of bed can really be difficult some days.  Ranging from physical illness to mental disability or old fashion hangovers, there are plenty of excuses for why it’s so difficult.  Here’s some helpful advice for ways to get yourself up for the day and motivated.

1. Don’t - What’s all this fretting about getting out of bed?  Maybe you should reconsider.  Bed has everything you want out of life: It’s flat, soft, and doesn’t ask anything of you.  The real champions of this category will master the art of the sleep-in reprieve which involves actually getting up, showering, and then returning to bed with the understanding that you can get out of bed any time you want to, but that you just don’t feel the need, just yet.
2. Sleep With Your Pants On - It’s easy to sleep-in with your pants on, but being halfway dressed might just be the thing to convince you that you’re the sort of person that people can depend upon to not be horizontal past noon.
3. Call Your Mother and Tell Her - Nothing says “I’m an adult” like standing on your own two feet (metaphorically speaking) and proudly announcing to your mother that not only has your day not started but that she should get off of your back about that rent money you probably still owe her.
4. Pick Up An Addicting Habit - The classic morning motivators like food, bathroom duties and pride aren’t cutting it.  That’s why I suggest something a little more dependable.  Start with cigarettes for a textbook nicotine withdrawal and work your way up to that “go-getter” attitude that comes with the steady use of meth.
5. Throw Away Your Laptops Power Cord - Nothing motivates quite as much as a deadline and with today’s accurate lithium battery-life meters you are ensured a steady countdown before you’re officially wasting away.  Start off with a full charge that will allow for  two full episodes of something on Hulu.  Then, work your way down to a quarter charge that’s just enough for that eight-minute cardio routine known as “porn without standards.”

Related posts:

1. What To Do When You’re Feeling Low
2. Trust My Four-Year-Old
3. Domestic Disturbance or “Reality on Pine Street”