Old-Fashioned verbal or written prayer just became a thing of the past as followers of exciting developments in Apple technology learned today that the new iPhone 4 allows users to directly contact our lord almighty, Jesus Christ.
Said Jobs in his second Keynote address of the day, “This phone has features which have been, until now, unimaginable except by only the maddest of outcast heathens. Literally, it would have taken the devoured mind of a schizophrenic to even accidentally conceive of the possabilities of which we only half dare speak during this conference. Among them, are the ability to phone god directly. Now, this is only going to be available through your Wi-Fi connection, but I think everyone is going to be blown away at the level of clarity one gets when talking directly to the lord. No other phone has the capability to directly connect the customer with access to the gates of heaven.”
When presses further about some skepticism about AT&T’s ability to maintain adequate network coverage between the terrestrial plane and heaven above, Jobs said that he was confident service would remain reliable although users should expect some degree of data overage charges whilst communicating directly with the almighty.
The previous is entirely spoof, of course.
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