Lady Gaga Has Only Three Outfits Left!

The world became a little darker today as an announcement from shining star and fashionista, Lady Gaga, warned of a serious fashion shortage. In front of the Dresden Institute for Fashion Technology, she made this statement. “It brings me great sadness to report there are only three things I haven’t worn. I didn’t think it was possible either – frankly, I think I haven’t wanted to face it – but some analysts and I have crunched the numbers and I’m afraid there is almost nothing left to wear. I know this comes as a shock to many of you. You’re asking yourself, “How is it possible? How could she have found the time to cover her breasts with every object imaginable? What about spoons? Has anyone thought of putting spoons on, you know, as a bra?” Trust me, I have. The fact is, there are only three things left for me to wear. At this time, I would like to hold all questions as to whether the third is ‘Dignity.’ What I can tell you about the outfits is that they are abstract. The first will utilize a technique first pioneered by Cher in 74′ using a combination of live bunnies and ether, achieving what I like to call the “Sleeping Precious” effect. The second will employ the talents of seven hundred Chinese orphan girls who, with the aid of a human-tear/silk blend, will literally wrap me in their love. I don’t want to give too much away about the third outfit, but its materials will be compositied from actual Polar Bear semen and will weigh approximately seventy five kilograms in the shoulders alone, making it by far the heaviest semen based outfit to date. This may be the end, but I think you’ll find what’s covering my nipples in the final days to be especially engaging. Gaga Out.”