Modern Sophist

Racist MythBusters

February 11, 2011

Are Mexican’s lazy? Are the French always rude? How well endowed are your black friends, really? I didn’t get a chance to discuss these myths with Myth Buster, Jaime Hyneman, the other night at a Q&A with him that I attended (by “didn’t get a chance” I mean I didn’t dare to even stand within [...]

How To Find an Unregistered Domain Name

February 10, 2011

“The existing pool of domain names is depleted,” says representatives from ICANN, the non-profit group in charge of internet names. So, this week, they are talking about the release of a whole lot of internet real estate in the form of a host of new suffixes. Gone will be the days of mere .com, .net, [...]

The Alternate Dimensions of Sex.com

February 9, 2011

ICANN, the body in charge of internet domains, is going to create a whole bunch of new suffixes. So, instead of a .com or .net, you might have any number of iterations of the same name. This may lead to some confusion: Me: ”So I was ‘perusing’ this creepy nudie website. You’ve got to check [...]

#nopromo

February 4, 2011

Forget #nohomo, the linguistic phenomenon of undermining any potentially homosexual overtones. (As in, “I love the Rock, #nohomo.) Because one of the real issues we face today isn’t about one’s sense of self-confidence, or even homo-phobia, it’s narcissism. All modern social media depends on the ever increasing need of people to show off, in one way or another. [...]

You Sound Sick

February 3, 2011

I’m sick. I’ve got the throat, the lungs, the seven pound headache. Swallowing is an exercise akin to squeezing a porcupine up against a wolverine. But the weird thing is that it totally mellows out my voice. Draws it deeper and smoother. Sure, it hurts like a sonuvabitch, but you gotta love that smooth.

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Goat Solves AIDS

February 1, 2011

There aren’t enough problems in the world that can be solved by giving someone a goat. I mean, camon’, imagine if, “hmm, better just buy a ton of goats,” was the answer to some of the more widely publisized world dilemmas. How would goats solve these problems? Breast Cancer? Goat will fix it. Because goats [...]

The Future of the Groupon

February 1, 2011

The Groupon business model cannot last. Firstly, there are too many Groupons: Google, Living Social, Yelp, RetialMeNot, Yahoo, DealGooder, SFweekly, and on, and on, and on. I’m getting like seven “daily deals” a day, minimum. The math can’t last and here is why: The number of offered daily deals is growing exponentially, while there are [...]

Baby Boomers of the Tramp Stamp Generation

January 27, 2011

The real draw of the “Baby Boomers” notion is in watching a massive generation shift from one phase of their life to the others. The hippies are all retiring, for example. For them, this means pot-heads getting older, Hendrix becoming very classic rock, and civil-rights feeling less like an issue, more like a history lesson. [...]

Bad Theme Park Characters

January 27, 2011

A friend recently mused, “What did the Peanuts gang ever have to do with Knott’s Berry Farm?” “Nothing,” I answered her. It’s just that Disney had characters kind of automatically and all the other theme parks had to get in with some group quick or else risk falling behind. So, you know, Knott’s got the Peanuts and [...]

What Happens When You Break Your Collar Bone?

January 20, 2011

This happened to me Sunday morning: broken collar bone. There isn’t much to tell: motorcycle, damp rode, poorly inflated tire, thugs. That last bit is slightly interesting because it was the cause and epilogue of the accident. I was riding around North Beach where there are sometimes some pretty thuggy types driving around, looking for [...]

Inappropriate Baby

January 14, 2011

Of all the babies on the internet talking about fellatio, this one had the least class. Special thanks to @partypooped, whose unimaginable tenacity for finding internet treasures turned up a discussion board of mothers with their babies as their avatars, all talking about blowjobs. For more of her incredible finds, check out SorryIMissedYourParty.com