Stress, Frustration and Other Wrinkles.

July 24, 2009

in Essays & Stories

Karma, it seems exists. At least to the extent that my day, which started out in a lovely lay, became something of a cluster-fuck (simply adore that term) by about 0900 and is just tidying up, still stressfully, some 13 hours later.

The thing is, I’m not sure I believe in Karma or streaks or anything like that. At least not in any mystical sense. So yes, someone can get super into winning. Have a great run in major league baseball or something. And, in such a case I do believe that there’s something to the ‘streak.’ Not in the fabled unwashed socks or lucky jock-strap, but that someone can sort of click-in to what works for them and stay on a path of doing well.

I got knocked off my path today. As mystical energy goes, I was donning some pretty muddled, unrideable waves of frustrated energy. Work. That’s all, just work stuff, but it all got knocked around. And, it was said best this morning, after error/fuckup-in-the-plans #47.

“Subashni,” I said, “I don’t know what’s up with today. Everything’s against me.”
She smiled a bit, cause she likes me, and hasn’t a bad thing to say. “Maybe it’s you.”
“Well, yes, I am the common denominator in all these problems. I mean, they are all kind of happening to me, under my watch.”

So, there I have it. I’ve always felt that any problems I was facing were my own. I have more control that way. If something’s wrong, it’s my fault, and that way, at least I can sort it out. I can’t always sort everyone else out, so here, now, I’ll work on me.

Right, well, not a terribly useful update in the way of Modern Wisdom, but it needed to be said, at least for my sake, and in none-too-specific terms.

I hope you’ve appreciate this vague, unrelatable little rant. Please don’t mind the loose ends I’ve left about in my expression. If you do mind them, they are likely your fault. This is much more agreeable since you only have to finish the thoughts yourself instead of waiting for me to do it. Isn’t personal responsibility grand.

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