Francisco

What Happens When You Break Your Collar Bone?

January 20, 2011

This happened to me Sunday morning: broken collar bone. There isn’t much to tell: motorcycle, damp rode, poorly inflated tire, thugs. That last bit is slightly interesting because it was the cause and epilogue of the accident. I was riding around North Beach where there are sometimes some pretty thuggy types driving around, looking for [...]

Thomas Wood Reads Live at San Francisco’s TNB Literary Experience

May 27, 2010

In case you missed this interesting event, here is a clip of my reading for TheNervousBreakdown‘s San Francisco Literary Experience. The show was at the Makeout Room in the mission district. Having gaged the audience to be both short in attention span and long in their need of laughs I decided to read two of my quicker, [...]

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How to Survive Bay to Breakers

May 14, 2010

Update!: Once again, Bay to Breakers is being threatened as they try to sanitize the event down to a family friendly PG level. Find out more and help support the protest for good, clean, adult fun. This institution is one of the last precious events of its kind in San Francisco. The first step to [...]

Chinese Hack Google for Los Angeles Map Directions

April 20, 2010

Back in December, Chinese hackers were able to gain access to critical Google computers and software code, all in an attempt to better access Google Maps in the hopes of settling a local dispute over the best route from LAX to Hollywood. A spokesperson for the Chinese Hackers posted today that, “Phil Chen is a [...]

Fairy Murdered Over Baby-Tooth/Baby-Laugh Dispute

March 29, 2010

Fairy murders are on the rise nationally as supplies of baby-teeth and baby-laughter are becoming scarce. The latest in a string of violent acts is the result of a horrific battle between the Russian Tooth-Cartel and Colombia’s Baby-Laugh black market. This latest victim, identified as Sprinkles Alvarez, was a well known lieutenant of the infamous [...]

Defining “Douchebags”: Part I – Definition and Night Out

March 2, 2010

It’s Friday night and you’re out on the town. ”Man, this place would be really good if it weren’t for all these Douchebags.” What is a Douchebag? Really, who is a Douchebag? What do they look like? And, most importantly, can they be cured? I’ll be exploring this topic in three parts: The key identifier of [...]

Domestic Disturbance or “Reality on Pine Street”

February 24, 2010

My neighbors are fighting. It’s 2:38pm when I check the time, but I can’t be certain how long they’ve been yelling. This is what goes through my mind, noting the time, picturing myself in front of police officers, on the stand, in news reports: “Area Man Notes Domestic Dispute in Blog: Predicts Murder.” Put a [...]

Turtle:Upside-Down as Limo:Bottom-Out

February 17, 2010

In nature, all kinds of animals get stuck: the turtle on its back, the whale on the beach. We don’t get enough of this hilarity in the City. That is, unless, you happen to be driving by the 24.8% percent grade of Jones between California and Pine. I live just by there, and paused, mid [...]

Jazz Shootings

February 11, 2010

You never hear about a shooting at a Jazz Club. I want this to happen more. Recently, we had a shooting at some hip-hop club down in the Wharf of San Francisco. (I was impressed to hear that there were even people out at the Wharf, let alone that enough had gathered to manifest an [...]

“The Bottom of Humanity” – TNB

January 13, 2010

One of the first things you might notice about people at the DMV—besides the most obvious, superficial aspects of race, class, and station—are the bottoms. It’s not that you’re into people’s rear ends – though maybe you are – but that there’s a kind of taboo to looking. At first, you tell yourself, it’s just a [...]

A Christmas Revolution

December 27, 2009

Really dude? I took this photo on Christmas day and it leaves me wondering so very much. For example, what’s more pathetic, spending the Christmas afternoon playing Dance, Dance Revolution at the Metreon arcade or being the guy watching the guy play Dance, Dance Revolution, both for at least an hour. Christmas was interesting this [...]

The Amber Room, as we know it, Is Closing

December 20, 2009

The Amber Room (some know it as Amber Bar or just Amber) is closing down after new years eve. Its owners will put it under renovations for two weeks where it will emerge as a slightly more accommodating, hipper, smoke-free bar. That’s right. No more smoking at Amber Room. This is a time for mourning. Let’s get right [...]

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