spill

Five Other Things Prince Has Declared: “Completely Over”

July 6, 2010

In a recent interview with the Mirror, Prince declared that the “…internet’s completely over.” He compared it to the weaning popularity of MTV and added that it was a good thing since the internet just “fills your head with numbers.” Later, behind the scenes, one of his hundreds of (as he likes to call them) [...]

Gulf Coast Beaches Get a Pity Lay

June 11, 2010

The Washington Post and I have the same idea on the future of Gulf Coast states tourism: First, it’s not going to come so much from folks eager to get into the water. Second, if they work hard enough at it, I’ll bet they can get some folks to come out specifically for a chance to be [...]

BP Assures Congress They “Will Laugh About Oil Spill One Day”

May 24, 2010

A spokesperson for BP today testified before congress that “Someday, we’ll all look back and laugh at this crazy oil spill.” While wiping a whimsical tear from his right eye, he went on to add, “Yes-sir-e, can you just imagine it. All of us getting together over a couple of beers, having a big ol’ [...]

BP To Get Rid of Oil Spill by Investing It In Greek Economy

May 14, 2010

BP announced today yet another plan to abate the oil spill off the gulf coast, this time by channeling the oil into the Greek Economy and thereby assuring its complete disappearance. ”We’ve already started laying the groundwork, ” said a spokesperson Friday morning. ”Basically, we’ll be attaching a hose to the leaking pipe at the [...]

BP To Collect Oil In Big Container

May 6, 2010

BP announced today a plan to collect all of the oil off of the gulf coast with a giant container. The container, which weighs approximately 10,000,000 tons and is large enough to contain the state of Delaware has an estimated cost of 87 billion dollars. But some are not so optimistic about this plan. One [...]

Five Topics I’m Not Writing About Today

May 3, 2010

Being a writer means treating it like any day-job: you ought to work at it every day, and you can’t just cheat it. But I’ve been busy the last few days with my actual day job and, frankly, nothing has fired me up saying, “Write me! Write the shit out of me!” So here’s a [...]

Coast Guard Gets .04Miles/Gallon Burning Oil Slick

April 28, 2010

The Coast Guard is going to start burning off oil from the Gulf of Mexico oil spill getting an estimated .04 Miles per Gallon. The spill, which as of yesterday was approximately 48 miles long and 39 miles wide, comprises some 42,000 gallons of crude. Said one critic, “We haven’t seen such inefficiency since the [...]