I get that the guy went out and clubbed the girl and dragged her around back to his cave; that much makes sense. But then how were they having sex?
Certainly not missionary position, right? It’s too intimate.
And cavemen have all that hair and those huge, protruding foreheads. To say the least. I mean, fucking double-eww.
Does anyone know a good anthropologist who can clear this matter up? Preferably a co-ed, grad-student anthropologist age 21-35, maybe with brown hair, who has a sensitivity towards men who are new to “clubbing.”
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You SAY ‘anthropologist’, but you MEAN ‘prostitute’, right? I’ve made this same mistake before, and it almost landed me some jail time. Margaret Mead was NOT happy when I tried to pimp her out to my neighbor…
You know, it’s weird to me that even though both the Neanderthal form of clubbing and the modern form of clubbing are equally…animalistic, that the methods have not yet been combined. I’m no anthropologist, (or prostitute, for that matter)but I would suggest bringing a club to a club to see what you can catch so that you can test this out for yourself.
Best of luck. Watch out for lawsuits and/or assault charges.
Ha! Really funny on both accounts.
The whole prostitute thing makes me think of something else (really postworthy, perhaps) which is that, since people always talk about it as “the oldest profession” all smugly, I think it would be fascinating to actually go back and talk to some of the first prostitutes. I wonder what their perspective would be.
As for clubbing in a club: brilliant. Consider yourself invited to my next theme party. Bring a helmet if you’re not feeling frisky.
Maybe it’s my naivete, or maybe I just don’t listen to the commentary when i watch porn, but what, exactly, is the Seventh Position? I capitalized it just in case it was something that needed to be properly venerated, like God or The Constitution, but I’m really baffled. I know I could just Google it and be done with the thing, but I find it so much more satisfying to have someone explain these things to me, probably because I never had the pleasure of getting the “birds and bees” talk from mom or dad. Also, as a side note, I noticed that I am the only one who has voted for any of the positions, which also confuses me, as any time I get to vote for anything sexually related I do, quickly and with gusto. I voted for the above discussed Seventh Position (capitalized, as promised), just so you know.
The seventh position, if I recall, is a sideways variation akin to a dog attacking a storm-drain.
Haha. Helmets are for chumps.
And yeah. That COULD be incredibly interesting. Could. My other guess is that it could also be just as depressing as reading a modern-day prostitute’s memoir. But who knows? Maybe self-loathing and intense loss of dignity were things even our earliest whoring ancestors felt. You could make things easier for yourself by just watching Monster and assume it probably applies earlier on.
Well, actually…I think I remember reading that early European royalty hired what are now known as pirates to steal wealth from Spain, and would also hire prostitutes to go on-board with them to keep them from sodomizing each other. That would probably be an interesting narrative. Especially if you were being paid to do that, but all of your clientele had moved on to…hairier pastures, so to speak.
Or maybe it be cool talking to early Inuit prostitutes. Did they leave their furs on? Did the cold prevent erection? Would they go back to each other’s igloos or just build a new one for the sake of anonymity? While they were soliciting for sex, did they fall through the snow or ice?
Oh, and don’t feel too bad, Bruce. I didn’t know what the Seventh Position was, either. I just remember being confused because I thought there were more than that. That being said, I voted for 69. Since it’s first in the list, can I start calling it the First Position?
Maybe the real test would be to send a modern prostitute back to days of old. I kind of wonder if it would be anything like how all young men at some point imagine taking a machine gun back to ancient times to rule the world with. Maybe the modern prostitute could bring some future sex trick back to the past and blow people’s minds (ahem).