Tiger Woods Distracts Nation from Democracy

The matter of “Where has Tiger’s pee-pee been” has once again distracted much of the nation from focusing on their civic duty of being informed citizens. Instead of reading about Obama’s plans to freeze government spending as a gesture towards curbing the deficit, or learning about possible compromises made between the House and Senate in an attempt to finally settle the health-care debacle, folks have chosen to learn all about the latest in the scandal. Now, I can only stand to complain about people staying happily ignorant every so often, but seeing this topic raise it’s ugly head again (and in no way am I referring to the quality of Tiger’s penis) just made me want to jump on any of you who are thinking of dedicating the next few minutes to not learning at least a little more about the current political climate.

Incidentally, Tiger’s wife is apparently not leaving him anymore. Can you believe it? I can’t. God, how does she put up with that. If he were my man, I’d be all up in his bank account, then all up in Maui, know what I mean?

Ahem. Seriously, please, please stop caring so much about what this man has done with his penis. Yes, it’s interesting, but boy does it have nothing to do with the quality of your life in the years to come. If you do partake, then please force yourself to read a little something serious afterwards. Tit-for-tat, it’s all I’m saying.