I don’t want to see it. Why not? I’ll make these points quick. Your dog. Especially the pictures of your dog. I don’t care. I don’t want to see pictures. With most dog-people, as soon as they start up, I tell them straight, “I don’t like dogs.”
This is hard for people to hear, especially dog people. They look at me in much the same way as I imagine their man’s-best-friend might, head tilted to the side, all brown-eyes and confusion. How can somebody not like dogs.
Dogs are like people, some winners, a whole lotta losers. I’m not saying your dog is an asshole (some are), it’s just that I don’t want to hear about him. If I come over, I”ll introduce myself to the dog. Maybe, I’ll even find him cute. I’ll pet him, and compliment him on my own terms.
When your dog sniffs my crotch, my hand, my crotch again, do I get upset? Well, sure. It’s obnoxious. I might ask, why didn’t you show your dog a picture of me before I came over? “See here, Tomahawk, this is my friend Thomas. Look, isn’t he cute? Ahh, and he did the funniest thing…”
I get that your dog means a lot to you. I think that’s nice. I like that people have dogs and that they provide some love and companionship. I don’t think there’s anything wrong. I just don’t want to see the pictures.
That dog above, very cute. But that’s a small, helpless, baby animal under a goddam blanket. Anything, I mean ANYTHING under a blanket that’s a baby, that’s gonna be cute.
This turtle? Look how cute this turtle is. Why don’t people show me pictures of their turtle. That’s new. I haven’t actually seen much of that. Please, show me a picture of your turtle.
Most of the time, it’s this:
Most of the time, it’s a normal dog, regular age, mostly grown, putting up a hand or paw or whatever. I’m not even getting into the anthropomorphizing. I get that. It’s natural to apply human characteristics to non-human things. That’s fine. Just don’t pull out your Iphone.
Okay, here’s the real deal. I like some dogs. This one dog, Chucky, it’s a dirty little thing. But it’s sweet and does a little dance and is very loyal. When I visit my buddy Robert, I always ask after him. “How’s Chucky?”
Really, what it comes down to. If I love somebody, of course I’ll show some interest in their dog photo. But let’s get to know each other first, people. It takes me a long time to like a person. Let’s hold off on meeting their pet.
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This is secretly the way you feel about children, isn’t it?
No no, kids I get. Kids are a part of somebody. They made them. So doesn’t it seem all the more outrageous that people should be showing me their dog photos like they were kids. In fact, from now on, when the girl at work shows me the latest picture of pooch, I’m going to comment that it has her eyes.
My old dog, now dead, was nicer than you. Thanks for bringing up a horribly sad part of my life. My dead dog, not you.
I remember your old dog. Damn fine animal. And yes, heckuva lot nicer than me.
Buck up, we’ll work through the grief.